Where Home Is
For what can only be described as, not a surprise to anyone who knows me, it is with great excitement that I share the news: I am moving to Los Angeles.
There are so many layers to this move across the country. To tell you how I decided that I was moving, I can only explain the threads of my decision... which begins with living in New York the last two years. And living in France. And my move to San Francisco 10 years ago. And everything in between. I have been a hundred different versions of myself since the moment I decided to leave Austin and move to San Francisco. You might argue that it was stupid to pick the city to live in with my finger on a map, but it felt daring, at the time. Romantic, even. To love a city like a person. I became infatuated with the thing I had feared for most of my life; the ocean. And the embrace of that unfolded into the rest of my life. Getting lost in a new city, making friends the hard way with no connections, and also, parallel parking. Uphill.
Like everything else, I figured it out eventually.
I should preface that I love New York. Especially Brooklyn. The mango carts downtown. The cobblestones in DUMBO. The view of the city when you stand between both the Manhattan and Brooklyn bridge, the water rising up to meet you at the pier. When I walk on my street to come home from a day in the city, there are three houses beside each other that grow a garden in their front yards. The smell of honeysuckle and roses drift into my peripheral. I carry it all the way home, long after the smell is behind me. I love this place, even the uncomfortable, awful things like the trains that don't run on time, and the smell of bleach in every bodega I walk into. New York City was where I came to figure things out. Walking around Manhattan evoked more inspiration than some of even my best years living in San Francisco ever did; I started writing my book. I continued my dream of working within the film industry after working behind the scenes for The Transcendents. I found time in pockets, determined more than ever to create stories and capture creative women in their element. On a deeply personal level, I let go of the growing pains of my twenties. I started buying myself flowers and hosting dinner gatherings with friends. I learned that showing up is more than just saying you'll be there.
What moving to Los Angeles means to me is growing into my thirties, and showing up for myself. I will continue to create work and be part of the film industry and enjoy the grace and love of my dear friends who live in SoCal. There is sweetness to this in between before I move. I once said that I would never move to New York City, but living here has given me the most lovely friendships, and elevated my work in a way that brought a confidence I'd been missing for years. Maybe longer. There's a hum in the center of me that looks forward to making that home in California soon, with my art, my dog Sunday, my books, my cooking, the pacific ocean.